I realized one day I literally do not to stop moving. So I decided to sort of loosely write down what I do. It's sort of funny, sort of sad, sort of crazy. Parents will relate. Non parents will rush to the nearest drug store for birth control and St. John's wort for the impending depression. LOL!
4:30- Wake up
5-6 Gym- Avoid eye contact with men. Or anyone that is smiling and talkative.
6-6:45 Say, “Cole wake up”, adjust Demi’s shower temp, sip coffee, ignore cat. Repeat.
6:45- Yell at Cole nicely. He begins to shower.
6:45-7:00- Talk story with daughter, commiserate with son who hates school more than he hates showers. Make breakfast in time for it to get cold.
7:00- Check emails. Groom. Despair over house.
7:15- “Hey Cole, here’s an idea: When you shower, use soap.” Breakfast assumes room temperature.
7:20- Yell some more. Ignore daughter’s eye rolls.
7:25- Sing to kids, "Brush your teeth! Shoes and socks!” (but not in that order or socks hard to put on) Sit in car. Wait.
7:30- Remind kids to always be punctual. Drop them off late. Breathe steady and listen to 80’s music until blood pressure normal again. Peace.
7:50- Remember everything for work. Leave for work. Forget work folder. Return home. Repeat.
8:00- My legs hurt.
8:01- Take call from Cole. Retrieve his forgotten iPad, lunch bag, permission slip, pencil, and shoes."
8:10- Return home again. Bring everything in it to school.
8:15- Told I am $7.00 in arrears to the lunch bank. Sigh.
8:30- Drive 60 miles to work wearing mostly cat fur. Call every prospect on earth..
9:30-4:00- Act all professional-like and everything, y’know? Take calls from children requesting to do something fun. Ruin their fun. Forget to eat. Stay on diet. Field emergency phone call from Mom. "I can't figure out how to attach this file, this pdf thingie to an email." Sigh.
4:05- Forget that freeway is called 405 because you must never drive it at that time. Go slow. Call parents. Cry.
5:30- Pick up the last girl left in after-school care. Promise it's not because I don't love her.
6:00- Come home to messy house. Cole is hiding in his man cave. Cat asleep in same spot we left it year ago. House smells. Wonder why man cave has full gallon of OJ with no cup.
6:15- Change. Microwave. Eat! Leave! Drive 30 miles round trip to kids sports. Pay late fee for sports tuition. Make excuse. “It’s all right. Just pay us the fine.” Sit with moms and talk nutrition. Act attentive. Fib.
8:30- Home. Do homework. Fight over homework. Drink coffee. Drink more. Then more. Squats and lunges while helping with homework. Reward with dessert. Resist temptation to do children’s homework.
9:00-. Read to kids. Get them water and more dinner. Build fire trail out of room just in case I leave a candle on. Find hamper buried under dirty laundry.
9:15- Read ex’s text to learn I am a terrible Mother and was a horrible wife. Be stupefied. Be sad.
9:30- Clean house. Stop cleaning. Drink coffee. Pet cat. Talk to one child who is sleepless and another who misses my ex. Counsel and encourage. Hug. Send back to bed. Feel stress.
10:00- Make goals for tomorrow. Vow not to yell. Vow to be patient and kind. Pluck eyebrows (no vow necessary). Call hairdresser. Wonder why laundry fairy never visits me. Discover the vomit of the world’s laziest cat on my bed.
10:15- Get late night text from Man. "Whatcha doing?" Really????????? REALLY????? I'M DOING NOTHING. NOTHING.
10:30- Get second wind to do dishes. Feel like I’ve climbed Everest!!!
11:00. Write about my day. This is it. Go to bed. Leave candle burning all night. Oops.