5 Best (Worst) Lines

I'm on a man hiatus.  It's just what needs to happen for right now.  We'll talk more about that later. 

I have a theory however.  If you decide you don't want something, it will magically appear EVERYWHERE.  (This includes babies.)  Men are coming out of the woodwork.  In droves.  With this comes enormous amount of comments, remarks and pick-up lines.  This week was maybe the worst in my history of being single.  Join me in a few laughs while you read the best of the worst.  And men, don't worry, I know that we ladies have equal or more to laugh at.  

1.  "You want to come over and watch a movie?"

Um, wow.  Why not just be real and ask to me to come over and take my clothes off and hop on your lap????!!!!  This is an appropriate question for someone that is actually TOGETHER or has an established friendship.  I mean seriously, when is the last time a girl came over and "watched" a movie with you?  Doh......  Serious amateur line.

2.  "I don't like planning things.  I like spontaneity.  So does that work?"

No.  It doesn't work.  Especially because you just complained to me that women in San Diego are "flaky as a good breakfast pastry."  See blog post "The Day in the Life of Stephanie."   If you want go out with me why not be a big boy and ask me out for coffee ON A SPECIFIC DAY AND TIME?  I kind of have a busy life.  Just sayin....

3.  "We should hangout sometime."

Shaking.  My.  Head.  Again, plan it.  I'll probably say no.  But ask me.  :) 

4.  "I love kids."  "I respect women."

Blah.  Sorry but not buying it.  If you are in your 40's and haven't gotten married, been engaged or have kids and been divorced, you don't REALLY love kids.  You just love kids right now because you think it might get you a shot in my knickers.  Admit it.  Honestly, I don't even like kids and I have them. 

 (I like mine and my friends mostly.  Key word:  MOSTLY.)  

Also, in regards to ANY man who says "I respect women."  Um, high five bro.  Glad you do.  But do you RESPECT ME?  

5.  "I know what kind of man you need."

I can't stop laughing.  Really?  You do?  In my best Charlotte from "Sex And The City" voice,

"WHERE IS HE???????????????"